Techniques to De-Escalate Anger, Verbal Violence, and Conflict

For the past two days I attended an Alternatives to Violence Project workshop in Cambridge.  Four facilitators and twenty-one participants gathered for the AVP workshop at the Friends Meeting House. I think we all grew in the practices of speaking peace and non-violence.  At least I know that is true for me.

Speaking Peace, Non-violence

As one might expect, the AVP workshop facilitators taught us to listen deeply.  Additionally, they showed us techniques to de-escalate anger, verbal violence, and conflict. Helpfully, we enjoyed a lot of fun and warm, friendly feelings together.  We also shared many thought provoking hands-on exercises, and moving, intimate moments in group settings.  On a personal level, during the workshop, I uncovered a few subtle forms of violence in the way I tend to use language. I’m sure I’ll reflect on this experience for a long time.  I hope to be a better listener and communicator as I practice of all that I learned.

For these reasons, anyone interested in talking to people in clear, gentle and loving ways would benefit from attending an AVP workshop.  I know the AVP workshop taught me how to be a better friend, neighbor, family member, and citizen.  With this in mind, here’s a link to the AVP Massachusetts website where you can find information about the program and about future trainings. avpma.org

Deep Listening, mindfulness, gentle speech

Of course, Buddhism recommends many time-tested skills to help us live in non-violence. For example, one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s main teachings is on how we can cultivate deep listening as a practice that leads to peace, understanding and love.

In his 2003 address to the US Congress Thich Nhat Hanh said,

It is very important to take the time to sit down and listen with compassion [if we find ourselves in conflict with another person]. We call this practice “deep listening.” Deep listening can be used with the practice of loving speech to help restore communication with the people you care about. To listen like this is to give the other person a chance to empty his or her heart. If you can keep your compassion alive during that time—even if what the other person says is full of accusations and bitterness—it will not touch off irritation and anger in you. Listen in order to help the other person to suffer less.

In keeping with his overall approach to teaching Dharma, like the Buddha before him, Tay teaches that violence can only be transformed through deep listening, mindfulness and gentle communication.  Consequently, I know you’ll enjoy reading the rest of his address to Congress.  Here’s the link:  lionsroar.com/there-is-no-path-to-peace-the-path-is-peace/

Here is a link to a post about right speech and non-violence: sweepingheartzen.org/speak-ahimsa/

Have a wonderful week!